A couple of weeks back, I went to a friend’s birthday party (even though her birthday was a while ago). Everyone got told to come as something Christmas related. Rather than be Santa’s little helper or a Christmas tree or Mrs Claus, I went as Santa’s bodyguard/bouncer (part of the “Secret Santa Service”). For this, I wore a red top, jeans, aviator sunnies, red tinsel around my ponytail and I had a cap gun. I didn’t realise how close cap guns are to the real thing. I’m actually really wary of them now. You see, I bought the gun and the caps. I went home, pulled the trigger with no caps; it was a normal toy gun. I put a cap in; there was a loud bang and the gun SMOKED, I decided it was safer to take the caps out.

Good thing, too. I had the gun in my back pocket when I was kicking a soccer ball around with other people at the party. I kicked it. Anyway, the grass was slippery, so after kicking it, I fell on my backside and broke the plastic gun (to which I say OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). The gun has gone to a better place.